ppl, why are u all so clever? how did u all manage t survive through it? all of u have overcome the obstacle, but here i am trying t overcome it now! i feel so left out! no motivation at all! ppl are enjoying themselves, but i cant! so damn tiring! i so sick of studying! rlly! i accomplished nth over all these years! i feel so retarded! so damn not practical! life suck! studying suck! could time pass faster? please! i'm suffocating now!
nagging could be heard every single day. i've so damn tons of work t do, but, i'm nt in the mood t do anything! don feel like gg out, unless its meeting him. everything seems so useless, so boring. i wanna get everything done, i wanna change the environment or maybe the ambience of my room. i wanna change the way i look at things; the way i see things. i wanna change my brain, i wann t be someone who is more knowledgeable; someone who has high self-esteem; someone with more confidence in whatever things she does. yet all seem so impossible, so far away!
every single day, i stared at my study desk, not knowing what t do. homework, assignments seem t be calling out for me. i took them out, yet thr's no energy in my hand t start writing, no engine in my brain t start thinking. nth! and so another day passed with me accomplishing nth again:( life sucks! or maybe i'm the one who suck! i use t grumble during exam periods why cant time ticks slower; so i could study more. but now, time seem so slow n yet i refuse t make use of the time t study! my room seems t be in a mess! even my brain, my heart seem t be in a mess too! lots of things undone. i feel so damn heavy living in my own house. mom nagged and scream at me t pack my clothes for the oversea trips. and surprisingly this time round, i'm nt as excited as i used t be whenever its time t go for any oversea trip. i rmbed i would carefully plan wat clothes i would wan t wear on different days and even try those clothes out at home to see if they match. but this time round, the passion isn't thr anymore.
i love going out during hols, but this time round, i'm so damn lazy t even go out with my mom. i throw my tantrum when i'm out with her:( the only thing tt i look forward to is going out with him, study with him and have fun out tgt! but... i cant even go out often! :'(

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